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The League of Extraordinary Thespians – Part I

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Dear Endtimers,

Leah celebrating suburban living in the manner of her people.

Leah celebrating suburban living in the manner of her people.

As promised I will now impart to you the tale of our fateful journey to the lands surrounding that magnificent bay, with it’s clear, icy waters, populated by fantastical creatures of the depths, and rounded on all sides by hills, and mountains, upon which the inhabitants have built the most spectacular, and unlikely city.  Be forewarned gentle reader that within this idyllic, and paradisiacal setting, lurk things so strange, and terrifying, that were one who is faint of heart, or overly steeped in the mundane boundaries of that material stuff spoken of by the blessed ignorant as the real, to read my tale, the descent of raving madness that must follow, would be a kind of merciful escape from contemplation of the horrors contained herein.  Continue only if you are, like myself, a fellow traveler in the worlds of the strange, and fantastic, so that the revelations contained here will seem no more threatening, or unlikely to you than your own mother’s milk, suckled from that bountiful breast of unique and peculiar knowledge that is the main sustenance for our kind.  Gentle reader, you have been warned, and should you continue onward to the main portion of my narrative, remember that I have been your true, and honest friend, with only your best interests in mind.

We began our journey in that old Dutch colony which lies upon the eastern shores of the rebellious land, whose inhabitants now call themselves “Americans”.  This place deserves it’s own examination, for it’s surfeit of skin creams, and scantily clad persons who run through the streets at all hours of day, and night, while some symbiotic creature with white tendrils, snaking up from their bellies, feeds upon their very thoughts, by plugging directly into their defenseless earholes, whispering secrets that only are only fit for daemons, and angels to know.  After receiving instructions from their cruel masters, they go out into the markets, and purchase all manner of useless things, which they then put into their homes and worship.  I know not the meaning, or purpose of these activities, or the gain to the creatures in this, but in my many years amongst the natives there, they thrived, and multiplied, until almost every ear played host to one of the monsters.  I have begun a study of this wretched phenomenon for the Naturalist Society, and will publish my findings shortly.  Should these beings, known to the Americans as “Eye-Pods”, perhaps for oracular means of gestation, although I never solved the mystery of their generation, find their way to the shores of our brave emerald isle, we must be prepared to defend against them, lest our practical, and wholesome way of viagra canadian pharmacy life be wholly overcome by frivolity.

Leal earns extra cash for the trip, the only way he knows how.

Leal earns extra cash for the trip, the only way he knows how.

Let me tell you now of my first fateful meeting with that traveling troupe of thespians who were to be my companions.  By pre-arrangement, we gathered at one of those places from which powerful dirigibles are launched, choosing to brave the chance of tumbling to the earth in a ball of flame, as oftentimes happens in this Promethean age, when man treads ever more closely to the sun, inviting cosmic retribution for his presumption.  Please do not think us arrogant for this, kindhearted reader  Would travel by ship, or rail have brought us to our destination in a timely manner, allowing us to meet our engagement upon the boards of the far away land in which we were due, we surely would have chosen the less heart-palpitating means of travel.  But our fate would not be that of the timid, and the tepid, quietly enjoying the passing landscape, while reading from a broadsheet of the latest political scandal, a plate of buttered scones to one side, and a good strong cup of Earl Gray to the other, as is the preferred method, and manner of transport for so many of our countrymen.  No, ours was to be the path of the adventurer, and if any of us were made uneasy by the place of our departure being named for a slain Irishman, who once led these peculiar people, none mentioned their trepidation.

The first to arrive was the Clown.  He had the long face, and prominent jaw so typical to those who practice his craft, suggesting at once a pathetic figure, and one of deranged merriment.  He was the oldest of our company, having traveled the world many times, performing for Emperors, and Kings in all of the benighted corners of this dark and savage planet.  He was once given an ostrich plume, encrusted with gold, and gems, by an African potentate whom he cured of a terrible malaise, through 30 continuous days of merrymaking, taking time for neither rest, nor food, nor drink, in his efforts to effect a cure.  It was his proudest achievement, even though the strain of his incredible performance had left him with a slight tremble in the hands, and viagra india legs.  He had a pensive, contemplative look, which suggested a man who had left a part of himself in a far away place, lost, and beyond recovery.  I greeted the fellow warmly as he made his unsteady way towards me, pitying him for the evident toll that his brave and singular act of merrymaking had taken upon his body and soul.  He managed an uncertain, and trembling smile, and I wondered secretly whether or not he had been too used up by his experiences to be of use to us in our entertainments.

Candice scrunches down on the floor, in order to avoid police scrutiny of our overloaded vehicle

Candice scrunches down on the floor, in order to avoid any imperial entanglements.

I put aside such reservations, as three more of our company suddenly appeared in a motorized coach.  While the driver released their much used baggage from the roof, they dug deep into their poor pockets, hardly able to find the modest fare, between themselves.  This is always the

way with artists, being disposed to excess, so that what little is earned through pleasing the crowd, is quickly dissipated in excesses of wine, and food, and gambling, and other things which are not fit to be spoken of in a decent, and wholesome narrative.  It was my obligation to ensure that these  tendencies on the part of my companions did not interfere in any way with our ability to make the appearances for which we had been contracted.  I thought upon meeting them, that my work would be cut out for me, and quite a bit more arduous than I had been advised, upon taking the assignment.

They stood there before me, two men, and a woman, of the oddest, and most perplexing appearance that one could imagine, were one to be inclined towards imagining the bizarre, and the lewd.  The first man was a product of the strangest attempt at  interbreeding  that had ever come before my eyes.  The carrier of both Swiss, and Italianate bloodlines, he was an enormous speciman, covered everywhere in thick hair, more fit to a wild bear, than a man.  I surmised that this was the bestial Mediteranian blood at work, within him.  But inside this rough, and frightening shell was contained the most cordial manner, and delightful intelligence one could hope to find in a Christian soul, deriving from his more light-skinned, and civilized ancestors.  He held out his hand, large enough to contain an entire human skull within it, and in an elegant, and mellifluous voice  said, “I’m Leal Vona, and it is my pleasure to be at your service.”  I almost chuckled at the unlikely combination of Northern, and Southern names, but the size of the creature made me think better of it, and I held out my hand, allowing him to swallow it up in his own.

Next, I made my introductions to a quiet Pole, who called himself, Marek.  I found it difficult to pronounce, and wondered why he didn’t make the simple change of one vowel, that would allow him to take the good, and respected name of Mark, the Apostle.  I hadn’t known that I would have Slavs, and Italian half-breeds as my traveling companions, but I tried to set aside my reservations now that I had come too far to turn back.  He seemed like a decent enough fellow, although there was something about his manner that made me uneasy, as if he might be an automaton, going through the motions of courtesy, and gentlemanly behavior, while a world of malice, and perversion lurked just beneath the placid surface of his face.

Things get a little weird, round 4AM.

Things get a little weird, 'round 4AM.

Moving on from the Pole, and the Papist, I took in the sight of  a ravishing creature, whose obsidian stare, cool smile, and generous mamories put one in mind of a warm spring day and the attendant lusts of that season.  The others called her Leah, but we agreed that I might refer to her as “sugar-nipples”, because she reminded me strongly of a beloved cousin who went by that name.

Finally, arriving late, as her kind always does, being frail, and difficult to rouse by nature of her demure, shy, and retiring temperament, was our lovely ingénue, Candice.  Her beauty was legendary in certain circles, as was her chastity, and modesty, and one of my principal duties was to preserve her innocence, against the habits, and preoccupations of the others, whose purity, if indeed it had ever existed, had been discarded

long ago, like a used up bottle of ale, from a questionable distiller.  I would see to it that her immortal soul, and her reputation, would not be so ill-treated.

Taking Candice’s arm, I led the group towards the dirigible, and the beginning of our strange journey towards the Western portions of this savage land.

To be continued  . . .

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Marek goes back for seconds.


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